And am.
Today, I had some great interaction via the internets with Allison, my very own drill sargeant/friend. I have committed to becoming a personal trainer. THIS, I will do, no later than February 2012. My plan is to make it happen before 2011 is over, but that is my soft deadline. Hard deadline, 2/1/12. I need to start making plans for my future, and stop letting the future make the plans for me. I have been letting life happen to me for a good while, but you know what -- that is all about the change. For realz. I have got to get serious about what *I* want to do with MY life.
Theo has been on me about this for years. He is so...something. Real talk, that dude is borderline crazy, but about this, he makes much sense. I love him, though. He tells me that I need to do something with myself, to get on board with SOMEthing. He actually probably isn't as crazy as I portray him sometimes. He has got a lot going on in that head of his, and unfortunately, I don't always seem to understand his thought process. But I will tell you this about the man, he has goals and he is willing to put in time and work on what he wants. And as he always says to me, "Have I ever not done something I told you I was going to do? Have we ever struggled?" That is a hard and thankful nope. He hasn't and we haven't. Thank God. I love that the boy is a worker. He is goal-oriented, driven, ambitious, all that stuff. That is some sexy stuff right there. Ain't nothing like a lazy, no-count, no dream-having sorry sucka. I don't care how fine a dude might look, letting time pass you by without having a plan for your life is very unattractive. Yuck. So, I got to thinking, if *I* think something isn't cool for someone else, why am I allowing myself to do get by with doing, or in my case - not doing -- the same thing?
I need some goals. Seriously, I used to have plans for myself, but then life happened, and not the way I expected it to. It's wild when the picture you painted for yourself in your mind just doesn't end up looking the way you imagined it would. Not that it is a bad thing necessarily. It just...is. And so, now, here I am, 29 years and counting, with no clear idea on what I want to do or be "when I grow up."
When I was a kid, I dreamed of becoming a writer. Truth be told, I still do. But a funny thing happened on the way to adulthood -- reality. There are millions, billions, of people out here with stars in their eyes and the ultimate dream of become a NYT bestselling author, with their names in big bold letters across the front cover and spine of books being sold world-wide. But the reality is, there are only going to be so many J.K. Rowlings, Stephenie Meyers, Kurt Vonneguts, John Grishams, and Nicholas Sparks. And honestly, my goal was actually to be more like a Ann M. Martin, Francine Pascal or Betsy Haynes. But then, instead of Bradford Court, I somehow ended up on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.
That's a scary route to take and I am waaaaay too young to be on that path. Really, anyone who is breathing is too young to be on that path. I had goals once. And I need to get them back before I become one of those people I despise.
I have gotten so caught up in the day-to-day, that I have lost sight of my actual life. Don't get me wrong, I love what Mr. Mc and I have got going on here in B'ham. We've got jobs, a roof over our heads (with vaulted ceilings!), food in the fridge (shoot, I have a favorite grocery store! shout out to Publix on Hwy 31!), some cash in the bank, an AMAZING circle of friends, supportive family, and our health (for the purpose of making a point, please disregard that my knee feels like someone has poured kerosene on it). We've got it all. Oh, and for all of the religious wingnuts out there, yes, we also have Jesus, lest you condemn me for not mentioning Him. (Love you, Jesus!) Moving on... what I am saying here is, Jaz ought to start doing some of the things Jaz wants to do before Jaz can't do. I'm getting back into writing. Maybe not a book, but a blog is something, right? And my PT certification is on deck. I don't know about the rest of ya'll, but I am about to change my whole scene. Hope you can say the same. If not, hey, whatev. You just do you, I'ma do me.
